To be honest, I really struggle with what term to use regarding my sexuality! I have found that in general, I find women attractive…but also the occasional man. I feel like the term lesbian carries the assumption that I don’t find men attractive. However, I also feel like the term bisexual carries the assumption that I am equally attracted to both genders (when really, the ladies are where it’s at). Therefore, I generally prefer the word queer. Queer feels all-encompassing and progressive and modern (even though this word has a long history of being weaponized against the LGBTQ+ community). I’m not that picky, though, and wouldn’t correct someone if they referred to me as a lesbian.
I also identify as female – as you can see, I’m generally very feminine and love my long hair and dresses.
Queer is a complicated word with a complicated history. In the early 1900s, it was definitely used as a slur to refer to LGBTQ+ in a negative way. This continued (and intensified) throughout the 20th century until the 1980s, when efforts to reclaim the word began. Because of this, many older generations of LGBTQ+ individuals have strong negative reactions to this word, due to the deep hurt it has caused them.
However, in younger generations, such as mine, most of us have been lucky enough not to experience the hurt associated with this word. Instead, to me, queer is an inclusive term that feels powerful – when I think about it, I imagine it in large, bold letters, with an exclamation point at the end and an explosive rainbow in the background (intense, I know). And, I personally have some baggage around the terms lesbian and gay – I can still imagine my religious family saying these words in a negative way when I was growing up. While that is something I’m working on, overall I still like the quirkiness and power that comes with queer – especially as a reclaimed term.
My coming out story is a long one, but let’s just say that I grew up in a religious and conservative home, so I thought I was straight for a long time. That is, until one night in college, I drunkenly made out with my roommate. (Stereotypical? Yes. Do I regret it? Absolutely not.) I haven’t looked back since, and am now happily married to a wonderful woman.
While I identify as a cis woman (meaning, my gender identity as female matches the sex I was born with), I think it is important to normalize asking for and providing pronouns. This makes everyone more conscious of their gender assumptions. It also makes it easier for trans and non-binary folx to easily provide their pronouns without feeling othered for having to do so.
Yes! I married my wife, Kelly, in August 2018. It was one of the best days of my life (I know, it sounds so stereotypical, but it’s true)! The feeling of love and support that surrounded us was unparalleled.
Kelly and I love traveling together (although I frequently travel alone too!). We got engaged in Germany, honeymooned in South Africa, and currently live in Milwaukee, WI, with our orange cat, Penny.
There are so many acronyms and terms in the LGBTQ community – I understand how it can get overwhelming! Here are the most popular ones you’ll see throughout this blog:
- LGBTQ+: an acronym that stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer (or Questioning, depending on who you ask). The plus sign encompasses all other identities within the community (such as intersex, assexual, etc.). Additional letters may be added to this acronym based upon who is using it.
- Lesbian: women whose physical, romantic, and/or emotional attraction is to other women.
- Gay: men whose physical, romantic, and/or emotional attraction is to other men. It can also be used as a generic term for people whose attraction is to the same gender.
- Bisexual: a person whose physical, romantic, and/or emotional attraction can be to people of the same or another gender.
- Transgender (or just ‘trans’): a person whose gender identity differs from their sex assigned at birth.
- Queer: an umbrella term for people whose sexuality is not exclusively heterosexual and/or gender is not exclusively cisgender.
- Questioning: an umbrella term for people who are unsure of their sexual orientation or gender identity.
- Heterosexual (or ‘straight’): a person whose physical, romantic, and/or emotional attraction is to people of the opposing gender.
- Gender: a person’s inner concept of their self (male, female, neither, or both).
- Sex: the anatomy of a person’s reproductive system.
- Cisgender (or just ‘cis’): a person whose gender identity matches their sex assigned at birth.
- Non-binary: a person whose gender identity does not fall into the ‘gender binary’ of male to female.
- Folx: an inclusive term to refer to all people, regardless of gender identity.
- Femme: a term that describes generally feminine traits of a person (i.e. their clothes, hair, behavior, etc.).
- People of color (‘POC’): all individuals who are not white.
Language evolves as people evolve, so don’t feel bad if you are feeling behind. We are all just learning and looking for the words that fit us best.
‘Passing’ means that when walking down the street, a queer person would not be easily discernable from a straight or cis person. For example, as a fairly feminine woman, I am often considered ‘passing’ as a straight woman – even though we all know I am very much not ;)
Passing provides queer people inherent protections while traveling, especially in countries where LGBTQ+ people are more likely to fall victim to violence or be threatened by the police. That’s not to say that everyone should be passing – I am an advocate for everyone living their truth! However, it is something to keep in mind while away from home.
Yes and no. Yes, there is risk to everyone when leaving your home and trying something new. Yes, as queer people, there are often extra safety precautions we have to take. But is it unreasonably dangerous where we should avoid it all together? No! I believe that with the right preparation, everyone can travel safely – and have a rich, fulfilling experience while doing so.
Want to know more? Check out my post on top safety tips for queer travelers!
This is a tough question, and one that I honestly still struggle with. On one hand, I understand not wanting to provide tourism dollars to countries with horrible LGBTQ+ laws. On the other hand, countries are made up of their people – and by meeting people who are different from us, we become more tolerant and open-minded individuals. Therefore, I tend to believe that by visiting the countries with less-than-stellar LGBTQ+ records, I may have the opportunity to meet someone and change their heart and mind. In fact, oftentimes, you may be the first queer person they meet! This can be much more impactful than the loss of a few thousand tourist dollars to a large government.